Savour the moments

My baby girl is 4..

4..!

This morning we had a swimming lesson and as I watched her standing on the edge of the pool – her chunky little legs (that look just like mine in miniature), my Nanny’s curly hair and my husband’s beautiful olive skin – brought a smile to my face. 

As I watched her try to relax in a supported back stroke, an overwhelming sense of loss came over me. Memories of her ran through my mind like a silent movie. I saw her sleeping in bed next to me curled in my arms, I saw her crawling around the bedroom playing hide and seek, I saw her first wobbly steps on the wooden floor in the dining room, her chasing the cat so that she could love her, her covering herself and the walls in Sudocream blissfully unaware of the mess she’d made and I saw her waking me up in the morning with a massive grin on her face. 

The reality dawned on me, the overwhelming sense of loss and sadness was because it is nearly over.

Our boy is 7, I don’t know how that happened. He has grown into a lovely thoughtful, sensitive, inquisitive and caring little big man, but that time.. where did that time go? He is no longer my funny, excited little boy flashing his bum in the garden or sitting on Daddy’s lap pretending to drive the car. He is no longer the little baby that would sleep soundly for twelve hours a night and wake up smiling every morning and he is no longer a chatty toddler talking about everything and anything. 

There will be no more babies for us, I feel broody and a little sad sometimes and I still catch myself looking wistfully at friends babies but I know that now isn’t the time for babies, it is the time to spread our wings as a family and to rise to meet the next phase in our lives.

I guess the point of this post is that when you’re in the midst of the small, demanding child juggling act; caring for their needs, being up all hours to comfort them in the night, feeding them, changing their bums and their beds. When you’re in the middle of the supermarket and your toddler is rolling in the floor screaming because you won’t buy the mini babybels you know they won’t eat when you get home. When it is the middle of the night and you’ve tried everything you can to soothe your small baby and when your head feels like it might explode and each minute feels like an eternity. 

The reality is that its all over far too soon. 

So when that lady in the shop says to you: 

“I know it might seem hard now love, but try to enjoy it, it’s over too quickly” 

and you want to tell her to buggar off because you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel through the matchsticks that hold your eyes open. 

Take a deep breath, repeat the mantra “this too shall pass” and savour every second, even the ones that make you want to poke your own eyes out. 

Because this too shall pass, and this precious time doesn’t last forever, it’s just a small piece of the beautiful, colourful tapestry of our lives.

My girl is 4, In September she will be starting school. I’m really not sure I’m ready. 

Advertisements

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Mummy Rules says:

    Oh Stephanie I read that with a lump in my throat. I had that moment with daughter last year – actually they are getting quite frequent as she is becoming so much more independent. With her sister wearing the clothes that I swear she only had on last week, I know they are both growing fast as the clichรฉ goes, so have definitely become more aware of the good, the bad and the normal moments…Still have to admit it didn’t stop me getting frustrated with bathtime this evening!! Lovely post x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stephanie Darkes @ Exploring Exeter says:

      Thanks Tilly.

      The frustration is real ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

      I had to remind myself this morning when my smallest wouldn’t get dressed and we were late for school! ๐Ÿ˜‚ x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Gerry says:

    So beautifully written and so true. I loved those memories of when both my boys were cute, funny, squidgy and messy. I have a book that I recorded all the funny things they said and did since they were tiny. I love looking back on it and sharing it with them. They are 14 and 9 now, a whole different stage but I love it.
    I know it’s sad to say goodbye to the stage your girl is at now but you have so much to look forward to with your two beautiful, funny characters. They are so gorgeous!
    Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stephanie Darkes @ Exploring Exeter says:

      Thanks Gerry, your boys are pretty wonderful too ๐Ÿ˜˜

      Like

  3. chil1976 says:

    Lovely post and timely. Our little girl is 15 days old and the sleep deprivation and frustration of trying to get her to breastfeed is testing me! This morning I expressed for ten minutes before realising the bottle was not attached. I’m looking forward to when she’s on solids!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stephanie Darkes @ Exploring Exeter says:

      Thanks Jo,

      Congratulations! I had no idea ๐Ÿ˜€

      I remember the sleep deprivation very well and expressing so much I felt like a dairy cow!

      Take it easy on yourself and if the breast feeding doesn’t work for you guys try formula, happy Mummy = happy baby.

      Also get audible on your phone a load of audible books so when you are up feeding you have something to listen too x

      Like

      1. Stephanie Darkes @ Exploring Exeter says:

        (I’m not sure why I spelt to like that) ๐Ÿ˜‚

        Like

  4. Fran says:

    I feel like that was written for me!
    Our little girl is nearly ten months and every day I am both staggered by what she has achieved (nearly always with a smile on her face) and sad that it is going so quickly. It’s a bitter sweet thing for sure, which is certainly tested by such variable sleeping. But it does pass. Just like the 25 minutes of howling before she fell asleep in her cot standing up. 25 minutes? Is that all? That’s not long. You are right. It does pass too quickly. x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stephanie Darkes @ Exploring Exeter says:

      Aw bless her! I remember 5 minutes feeling like 5 hours with smallest – the girl who never slept.

      It was torture, I promise you faithfully though, a few years down the line you’ll remember those moment and smile about them (even if at the time, you want to headbutt the nearest wall) x

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s